Election day stream of conscious

It’s 7:20 and I’ve got PBS on TV – McConnell was just called for Kentucky. I feel that we are doomed.

I’m so tired and I don’t feel like I have done much. At the moment Biden is in the lead but the night is young.

I fluctuate from feeling some hope and being ready to grieve hard for our country and our planet. These last weeks I have been hit with the desire to curl up into the fetal position and just sleep until …

I hate that we are so isolated by COVID. I hate that people can’t talk to eachother civilly any more. I hate that there is so much fear and hate in the world.

I’ve been missing teaching a lot but am relieved not to have to face children in these times.

I actually had a good time today. I drove around in the Get Out the Vote mobile, while Ellen worked as a poll worker. I drove around town, checking in at polling stations to see if there were lines. I got lot’s of waves, honks, thumbs-ups. The weird thing is that we have been doing that for the last few days but with a speaker, playing music and a get out the vote message and we were basically ignored by all of Kenosha and Racine. I guess Wisconsinites are intimidated by music? Today felt so good, like there was a collective sigh of relief that election day is finally here. Wondering though if it is actually a last gasp before sinking to our doom.

This was pretty typical – I began to wonder if there had been some sort of rapture in Wisconsin since we saw so few people out – residential streets and commercial areas alike.

In August I quit drinking for a few months, but decided to take a break from not drinking during this oh so confusing time. I know booze doesn’t help in the big picture, but I find it comforting in times like these. Don’t worry loved ones, I plan to quit for realsies eventually – but am using this crutch for the time being. I haven’t started drinking yet tonight, but – I’m gonna.

Oh my fucking god!! the Q-Anon candidate is winning handily!! What the fuck! Where’s the wine? JK (kind of)

There is a progressive church here “where Jesus lives” according to Ellen. Thinking that we may need to go to church this Sunday – just to feel some sort of community and maybe learn a bit about grace and healing.

I think I’ll change the channel and watch something mindless – there is no point to watch this early on conjecturing…

It’s 10:31. Ellen and her friend have come home from the polls and after I watched a few episodes of Big Bang Theory because… it was on, we are watching CBS.

I don’t understand our country. I’m so confused by the people in this country. Regardless of who wins, it’s clear that many many people don’t care that the creature in the whitehouse is a pathological liar, cares about no one but himself, locks kids in cages, is fine with a virus sweeping the nation, condones the actions of white supremacists….

It seems clear that the people in the spotlight – Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah etc. and all those that love them are the outliers. And so am I and almost everyone I love. and we are all doomed. Not just those of us that see him for what he is, but the whole fucking world. Please pass the heroin gummies, or the coma machine. (we watched a bit of Trevor Noah too.)

It’s 11:25 and I think I will go to sleep and hopefully wake up to find that enough people in our country are compassionate enough to vote for a basically decent human being.

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